For Aliens, By Aliens

A podcast about what it means to be a Hooman

Ep. 8 - Arts and Farts and Crafts

Galactic News

Attention all hoomans! "Cruise Planet", Zycor's new life-long pleasure ship, has gone off course on its maiden voyage. The planet-sized vessel, which travels at about 30 lightyears/hour, has reported a small miscalculation in its navigation, and is currently on course to collide with Planet Earth. 

We advise all Earth residents to evacuate the planet within the next fifteen seconds. Good luck out there, Hoomans!

Gormza Dalon, philosopher and author of Walking Backward, Walking Forward, and Sidling Off Sideways has just won a galactic peace prize for brokering peace between the long waring planet Negonarach and its moon Tannis.

The planet and moon have been at war for over three million years. The solution is the Gormza Accord. Instead of fighting, both moon and planet will create a lottery wherein the losers will be jettisoned into the nearest of the three suns of the nearest solar system, according to which one is closest on the day of the launch.

They both agreed that, it's sort of more humane this way.

When asked how he managed such a great feet, Gormza said, "I don't know. It was just, sort of, kind of an accident, you know," Well, if we know our Gormza, he's just being modest, as usual. 

A small update on our earlier breaking news: the crew of Zycor's Cruise Planet were wrong again! Instead of colliding with earth, the massive ship hit nearby Centauri 6 instead, causing both vessel and planet to disintegrate immediately.

Apologies to Hoomans for the alarm, and our condolences to the families of the 45 billion aliens killed in today's mishap, but at least they died doing what they loved. Well, except for the aliens on Centauri 6. They're just dead.



© Jacob Rosok and Aaron Patterson, 2016