For Aliens, By Aliens

A podcast about what it means to be a Hooman

Filtering by Tag: Amicroon 8

Ep. 23 - Stormy Weather, Since My Alien and I Ain't Together

Galactic News 

Milp, the only known sentient moon of the planet Amicroon 8 is now on strike, citing multiple lunar rights violations as the cause.

Amicroon 8 has not yet been available for response, but if something doesn’t change, they may very well lose their only moon.

Milp the moon left us with this quote: “I’m tired of all this back and forth. Even if it takes me fifty billion years, I’m not spending one more minute in this orbit.”

Milp then started moving away from Amicroon 8 at 4cm per year. 

Galactic presidential candidates Quarf Schweppes and Ted Cruz may have some new competition on the campaign trail.

Third-party candidate ham sandwich is showing a surprising surge in key battleground planets. On some, like Pontiac 5, Ham Sandwich is now polling within four percentage points of both major party nominees.

When reached for comment, Ham Sandwich said nothing at all. Because it's a literal ham sandwich.

Earth News

Netflix is poppin' off. Shows like Luke Cage and Haters Back Off. 

Come on Netflix. We all got shit to do in our own lives.

Back the fuck off...but not really. Keep 'em coming. We love you.

Ep. 20 - American History:
For Dummies by Dummies

Galactic News 

After a humiliating defeat on Earth, former American presidential candidate Ted Cruz has thrown his hat into the galactic political ring.

This November, he will be challenging incumbent Milky Way President Quarf Schweppes for the the top office.

In an early straw poll, Milky Way residents are excited at the prospect of Cruz entering the race, because they appreciate his robotic personality and his fugly, alien-like features.

“He’s just like us,” they say.

More on this as it develops.

Doey Zeschanel, the smoothest voice in galactic funk this side of Amicroon 8, has been brutally assassinated by the second smoothest vocalist, Kennedict Bumberbatch, further solidifying his place as the funkiest comadena in the galaxy.

But watch out Kennedict Bumberbatch, Ghoopi Woldberg might be the new funkiest galactic cat on the scene, and she might be out for your funky-ass soul.

Ya dig?

Earth News

Isn't Three Ninjas about due for a revamp? 

Ep. 4 - (Hoo)man's Best Friend

Galactic News

Towards the back end of the Jaymex galaxy lies a small unassuming red gas planet.

The inhabitants of the surrounding solar systems report that they have never seen it before, and would like us to ask our alien listeners if anyone has misplaced their planet, and if so, would they mind retrieving it?

Apparently, it is blocking the particularly stunning view of the blue mesoplanet behind it and is, “bumming out the locals and would really be great if it, just, like, wasn’t there anymore.”

 

Earth News

An East Texas man, Harris Williams, says he was recently abducted and anally probed by a group of aliens claiming to be on a science mission from the Amicroon system.

When reached for comment, Chancellor Delorean from Amicroon 8 said, "That's totally not something we would even do. Why would he say that? He probably wishes we would anally probe him."

 

© Jacob Rosok and Aaron Patterson, 2016