For Aliens, By Aliens

A podcast about what it means to be a Hooman

Filtering by Tag: Andromeda

Ep. 14 - Vacation, Part 1: Ninja Punch

Galactic News 

Gormza Dalon, self-help guru, galactic peace-prize recipient, and all-around-just-cool-cool-cool-dude alien, is still in jail this week after feeding a yellow oblong fruit to a space monkey named Caesar.

Apparently, on planet Fernlinton, feeding a zoo animal is strictly forbidden and comes with a death sentence.

The zoo police have been reporting odd behavior from Caesar the space monkey’s space-cage.

He seems to be standing more, gesticulating wildly, and is almost finished with the third volume of Proust. 

Continuing their recent run of medical advancements, this week, researchers in the Andromeda Galaxy announced that they have discovered the cure for ugly.

Since the announcement, immigration from the Milky Way to Andromeda has increased by 539%. 

The ugly vaccine is covered by Andromedian free health care, a concept that the Milky Way Galaxy still hasn't quite figured out. 

When reached for comment, Milky Way galactic president Quarf Schweppes said, "That's very interesting." He then pressed a button on the phone that was not the hold button and shouted "Merideth, get me a ticket to Andromeda. Now that I think about it, get me one for my wife, too."

 

Earth News

In the farthest reaches of a deep, dark, deep, deep dark, dark deep desert, the space cowboy is in a heated firefight with the gangster of love.

Maurice is on the scene and will keep us updated on new developments.

We will, of course, have to translate his patented neologisms to know what the hell he’s talking about.

Ep. 11 - Space Food

Galactic News

George Lucas has finally returned to Earth after his 20-year intergalactic litigation process wherein he was sued over the likeness of his characters the “ewoks” from The Return of the Jedi for violating the Waku aliens right to publicity, or likeness copyright infringement.

While away in space court, Lucas was issued a stand in clone that looked and acted like him. This included the making of a prequel trilogy to his original Star Wars trilogy and the selling of Lucasfilm to Disney.

After returning to find his legacy in shambles, George Lucas has been despondent and will not leave skywalker ranch.

And just across the void, Andromeda’s galactic prime minister is pleased to announce the complete eradication of stupidity from the Andromedian population.

This marks the culmination of an aggressive vaccination campaign by the galactic health officials in the last decade.

“This is a landmark day in Andromedian history,” the prime minister said, “and we hope to see our neighboring galaxies take similar measures in the coming years.”


Meanwhile, Milky President Quarf Schweppes could not be reached for comment, as he was not able to figure out how to use the telephone.

Earth News

Things are bad, real bad. So, you know, hang in there. 

© Jacob Rosok and Aaron Patterson, 2016