Gormza Dalon, self-help guru, galactic peace-prize recipient, and all-around-just-cool-cool-cool-dude alien, is still in jail this week after feeding a yellow oblong fruit to a space monkey named Caesar.
Apparently, on planet Fernlinton, feeding a zoo animal is strictly forbidden and comes with a death sentence.
The zoo police have been reporting odd behavior from Caesar the space monkey’s space-cage.
He seems to be standing more, gesticulating wildly, and is almost finished with the third volume of Proust.
Continuing their recent run of medical advancements, this week, researchers in the Andromeda Galaxy announced that they have discovered the cure for ugly.
Since the announcement, immigration from the Milky Way to Andromeda has increased by 539%.
The ugly vaccine is covered by Andromedian free health care, a concept that the Milky Way Galaxy still hasn't quite figured out.
When reached for comment, Milky Way galactic president Quarf Schweppes said, "That's very interesting." He then pressed a button on the phone that was not the hold button and shouted "Merideth, get me a ticket to Andromeda. Now that I think about it, get me one for my wife, too."
In the farthest reaches of a deep, dark, deep, deep dark, dark deep desert, the space cowboy is in a heated firefight with the gangster of love.
Maurice is on the scene and will keep us updated on new developments.
We will, of course, have to translate his patented neologisms to know what the hell he’s talking about.