For Aliens, By Aliens

A podcast about what it means to be a Hooman

Filtering by Tag: Trump

Ep. 26 - Did Someone Take a Trump in Here?

Galactic News

The universe was stunned Tuesday night when third party underdog, Ham Sandwich, overcame astounding odds to become the first non-sentient president elect in galactic history.

No one was more surprised than incumbent president Quarf Schweppes, whose concession speech consisted simply of low moans through mouthfuls of half-chewed food. 

Earth-alien Ted Cruz was similarly despondent, and stated that, after the loss of his second election, he planned to move to the Zodiac galaxy, which is, of course,'populated entirely by emotionless automatons

But when it was time to make it's victory speech, Ham Sandwich could not be located by staffers. After two hours of frantic searching by the secret service, the election results were thrown into further turmoil:

Quarf Schweppes had eaten President elect Ham Sandwich.

Now, with no clear victor in the galactic presidential election, the Milky Way enters a period of uncertainty. What does the future hold? The prospects are, at best, milky.

We just wanted to check in on everyone. We know it’s been a rough week for most of you, and we wanted to let you all know that we’re here for you, that life will go on, and as devastated as you feel now, this too shall pass and it’s important to stay positive.

We are, of course, referring to the space giants who have been travelling through the cosmos on asteroids demolishing every mailbox in sight.

That’s a space federal crime you damn dirty giants! 

Earth News

Nothing devastating or deeply unsettling has happened. Nothing at all.

Ep. 13 - Lucky Number Thirteen

Galactic News

This week marks the beginning of a dark hole year in the known universe.

So, for the rest of the year all dark holes will be competing against one another to suck up as much light and as many stars as possible.

At the end of the universal year, which is roughly between fifty billion to thirteen trillion Earth Years, the winner will be awarded the rest of the known universe to eat at its own leisure.

A new political movement is gaining popularity on Faragon 7 -- the anti-nihilist party has recently elected their first representative to the planetary parliament.

Taking the stage to make his victory speech, representative Callum McCann repeated the anti-nihilist credo: "We don't believe in not believing in anything."

The nihilists briefly considered nominating a candidate to oppose the anti-nihilists, but felt that this would violate the spirit of their party.

Now, the future looks uncertain for the Nihilists on a world of aliens ready to believe in... Something?

Earth News

Aliens have confirmed that Earth is in fact getting hotter and that global warming is in fact real, and that Donald Trump’s hair can in fact be seen from outer space. 

© Jacob Rosok and Aaron Patterson, 2016