This week in galactic news, researchers across the galaxy are reporting that science is... Done!
That's right, all facts are now known, and all questions have been answered.
With the scientific community expressing concern at re-entering a tough job market, many are now planning to travel back in time to try and solve science all over again, but even faster this time.
"I want to get the high score," said one scientist, just before leaping into a wormhole.
Triangles have been banned in the Rangar portion of the Jaymex galaxy.
This has been the cause of a lot of controversy and more than a little speculation as to the cumulative repercussions.
Some cosmic economic analysts have predicted that this will surely have a negative impact on Rangar's economy, and there have already been reports of triangle smugglers who are gathering up all the isosceles, acute, and even obtuse triangles they can get their dirty little hands on.
The ones who really suffer here are low income families who eat Doritos and pizza-by-the-slice. Also, everyone else, because after all, the food pyramid is a triangle.
We’ll keep you updated.
Bats have seized control of Wisconsin.
However, the earth media, controlled of course by the man-bat elite, has failed to report the development.
It may not be the Wisconsin they need, but it is the Wisconsin they deserve.